There’s an old story about an out-of-towner visiting Manhattan who wanted to attend a concert at the venerable Carnegie Hall, considered to be one of the most acoustically perfect places to hear a concert anywhere in the world. To perform at this magnificent venue is an acknowledgment of having reached the pinnacle of one’s performance life- to have truly “made it.” The stranger got out of a cab near Columbus Circle and asked a passerby who happened to have a musical instrument case in tow, “Excuse me, can you tell me how to get to Carnegie Hall?” The musician looked at the puzzled visitor and replied seriously, “There’s only one way to get to Carnegie Hall, and that is practice, practice, practice!”
This sage advice applies to learning any new skill, whether it is learning how to play a musical instrument or learning new skills for coping, such as those that we teach in cognitive behavioral therapy, without regular and intentional practice. By “regular and intentional practice,” I am referring to setting aside 10 to 15 minutes a day on a consistent basis to practice those skills, whether or not you are upset or in a crisis. In fact, it can be very helpful to practice these techniques when you are not upset, so that you will be prepared for a time when you really need to use them. Practice, practice, practice.
When I was nine years old, I started playing the trumpet and had to practice lessons every day for half an hour before being allowed to go out to play or ride my bike. That was in addition to starting school homework. I had an excellent trumpet teacher who was a local gig musician, and after seven years, he told my mother that he could teach me no longer, and that I needed more advanced instruction. I had gone through most of the exercises in the Arban’s Complete Conservatory Method for Trumpet, considered to be the “bible” for brass players. When I auditioned to become a student of the second trumpeter in the fabled Philadelphia Orchestra, he asked me what books I had studied from. I told him with pride that I had recently “completed” the Arban’s Method. Before he accepted me as a student, he gave me one of the best lessons I have ever received in my life. “You know,” he said, “ I have been second trumpeter in the Philadelphia Orchestra for over 25 years, and before that, I was Principal trumpet with the St. Louis Symphony, and before that, I played trumpet in the Orchestra of the Ballet Russe de Monte Carlo, and before that, with the US Army Band.” And then came the punchline. “I’ve actually never managed to finish that book!” Cue the mic drop!!
Fifty years later, after retiring from full-time faculty at the Philadelphia College of Osteopathic Medicine, I picked up my horn again. I quickly remembered that playing a brass instrument is a lot like returning to a sport after a long break. It requires rebuilding muscle strength, breath control, coordination, sight-reading, rhythm, and endurance through steady practice. Some days that is 15 minutes; other days, 45. And what book am I studying again? You guessed it: Arban’s! Foundational skills may feel awkward or difficult at first, but slow, intentional repetition makes them easier and more natural over time.
As a clinical psychologist, I also routinely practice the CBT techniques I teach. These include the Best Friend Technique and perspective taking. I also practice noticing my thoughts without immediately believing every one of them and deciding whether a negative thought is helpful or unhelpful. If I decide that a thought is unhelpful, I try to let it pass like a cloud drifting across the sky and gently return my attention to what I can appreciate in the present moment—my breathing, looking intently at something in my environment right in front of me, or appreciating nature, especially colorful flowers, plants and the sound of birdsongs.
Whatever coping techniques you practice, improvement comes from regular, focused repetition, not from waiting until you are overwhelmed. Practice may not always feel exciting, and you may not always feel motivated, but that is part of the point. You are building coping “muscle memory” for the moments when you will need it most. Over time, the skills become easier to use and more automatic. And while you may never play Carnegie Hall, at least you’ll know how to get there!